Faith

I am not good with words. I never have been. I am not good at saying just what someone needs to hear. This makes it hard for me to meet or chat with new parents who have recently had a child diagnosed with cancer. But last week when Malina was inpatient I had a nagging feeling that I needed to introduce myself to a new family. I kept putting it off because of fear of not saying the right thing.

Finally on Saturday, Malina's last day in, I said a prayer, grabbed few gold ribbons and a ladybug nightlight and made my way to their room. It was just the dad and son in the room at the time. My heart broke. I gave him the ladybug and introduced myself. I let him know that my daughter was being treated there at Children's Mercy as well. The dad wrote down my name and Malina's. I let him know if there was anything I or any of the many foundations and organizations could do to help to let me know.

I didn't feel like I was done but I didn't know what else to say. He started talking about his faith. He commented how we are always taught and sometimes that we teach about these situations and how important it is to keep our faith at these times. And then he told me it is hard. Yes is can be hard. I was able to tell him how much Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love his son. I told him that I know that Jesus Christ knows how his son feels and how him and his wife feel as parents. I know that this dad knows these things but it can be so hard when you are now the one thrown into and must live it.

I am thankful that I have not lost my faith during this time. I remember feeling helpless and frustrating and praying so hard for answers at the beginning. I also remember the perfect peaceful feeling I had when my husband called me and told me that we had answer from her MRI. I have held onto that feeling this whole time. I also know that Christ has felt all my heart ache and stress once before. He also knows how my sweet 2 year old feels.

My heart breaks for all the families who are a part of this community. It is hard. I am glad to know that there is some one who knows how I feel and can hold my hand when needed.